Thursday, January 19, 2006

.: Evil Bitch :.

Sow - An adult female pig (source:

0520 19 January 2005. A day of reckoning (in more ways than one) for me. Today is the day when Manchester United played (trashed, more like it) Burton Albion 5-0. I dragged myself out of bed at 3.45 am and was watching the game at one of the trashy mamaks near my place.

Heck, at 5.20 am, the game was already well into the second half, MU was leading 3-0, and I was grinning to no end at that little crap team called Burton which ventured into the Theatre of Dreams thinking about beating the Devils.

Yes, I was having a field day, right until some strange beast made a noise not at all disimilar to a snorting sow during feeding time. It was trying to talk and laugh at the same time, and doing it loudly on top of it's lungs, as if it's belting out "Symphony No 5 in C Minor" for all of us to hear. There was probably about 8-9 other Devil fans there, not counting the mamak waiters. We all heard the snorting bitch, alright. Heck, I think the fans from the other mamak two blocks down heard the same horrible noise as well, albeit less damaging.

And so like the rest of the fans, we duly turn our heads away from the game and tried to locate the source of the enviroment pollutant. And there's our first mistake. Instead of running like heck for our lives, curiosity got better of us and we simply decided to look.

And what greeted us there was the most horrible creature ever conceived: it barely looked human, horrible and atrocious to the core, but the worst part was the noise. It was apparently oblivious to our stares and our disgusted look, and continued to joyfully blare its trap as loudly as the lungs permit.

And believe me, that thing has much more lung space than both you and me combined. It probably weigths a few tons too and the gravity from the mass of that object would bend light as it travels past it.

However, it conforms to the nature of pyschology: The more horrendous and bigger a particular creature is, the more sound it will often try to emit in order to attract attention to themselves. In this case, it tried to attract the attention of all the mamak patrons with stories about her college, housemate's double timing scandals, how it almost got into an accident driving that day ..etc etc Strange huh? I mean, do WE really want to know all that bunch of crap ? Hell, we just want some peace and quiet to enjoy our game. Is that too much to ask?

And surely, I do pity those bunch of boys silly enough to invite the sow out for a cup of tea. I believe they would be diagnosed with brain cancer before the end of this week, no doubt. And of course, I do believe it's the last time they EVER invite that sow out.

I looked around. Some wanted to puke, others had teary eyes, some probably was wishing for mommy's hug. I simply wanted to commit suicide.

So to you who 'entertained' us with your noise and spoilt our game, you will now have the honor of being plastered on Online Blasphemy. Congratulations, you big fatass SOW. And thanks for spoiling a perfectly awesome football day for me.


Chienne said...

aww... not too kind, are you? hey, am i the only one to notice this, but why are all your victims of your sarcasm female?

Leon said...

Implying that.... ?

Chienne said...

implying that you're a bloody sexist pig.