Saturday, January 14, 2006

.: Evil Hoggers :.

We've all experienced this at least once in our life, and more probably countless times. The experience never fail to leave you with a bad taste in your mouth akin to having just chewed a rotten rat whole. And then swallowing the decomposed rodent.

Yes, that pretty much sums it all up. The experience of standing behind friggin ATM machine hoggers. Their MO is always the same. And they have a few basic and simple traits that distinctly separates them from genuine normal ATM users:

1. They would glance over their shoulders once every 2 seconds in fear that you are trying to rob them, and that they have this look on their face that makes you think they are withdrawing like 2 Trillion bucks or something.

2. The amount of time they take to read, understand, re-read to make sure there is no mistake, and then finally after deep, insightful consideration, select the language to be "English" in the interactive screen would enable pigs to evolve into winged creatures and finally fly. (I guess "Please select your prefered language - BM, English or Chinese" is really rocket science)

3. They always, without fail, would make the mistake at the last hurdle, get the ATM card kicked out of the machine, and they are only more than happy start all over again. Twice. Dumbass.

4. Have this smug, unapologetic look on their face that declare in one patriotic tone "I am the Queen of this ATM, therefore I deserve all the time my heart desires" after wasting 15 minutes of time of all the people behind her.

5. Those lamer girls with their best friend / sister / boyfriend / whatever standing beside them would be able to discuss about Christina Aguilera's latest fashion statement, describe her roomate's latest hunk boyfriend, tell when's her period due, detail the discount structure at Vincci AND what a jerk the last bugger she dated was. All these, to be done and settled before she could go on to the next interactive screen on the ATM. With 10 people lining up behind them in plain sight.

I do then, propose that the banks implement the following strategies to cut down on these loser's time wasting activities:

1. All women aged between 40 to infinity are to be strictly banned from using the ATM. Period.

2. Women of any age group are NOT allowed to use the ATM with another partner standing beside her.

3. Provide a specific countdown timer for each screen to limit the time spent. If the countdown runs out, the card would be rejected, and the ATM sound an alarm and flash the word "ATM HOG!!!!" at the top, similar to a Casino jackpot machine, until she walks away.

4. Repeated hoggers are to be publicly humiliated and executed. And their line of descendents are banned from ever touching an ATM card for 7 generations.


Leon said...

And don't you little feminists start screaming about me being genderly biased and discriminatory. I purposely used the feminine gender to refer to those ATM hogs due to the simple reason that 80% of ATM Hoggers are of the 'fairer' sex. End of story.

Prove me otherwise, and I would gladly retract my posting with a full fledged apology. Other than that, quit a'buggin me.

*adelaine said...

hahaha... some people are just more careful and some ppl are more errr... "leisure-ly" if there is such word..