Road Safety Department
Ministry of Transportation
RE: Immediate Ban of All Female Drivers On Malaysian Roads
With reference to the above, I would like to call to your attention on the extremely poor driving skills (that is, if you can call them "skills" at all) of female homosapiens and the hazards they pose to other innocent road users.
I strongly believe that most major road accidents, injuries and deaths are caused by or related to females (kindly refer to attachment below for further statistics).
Allow me to summarise some of my findings in the regular driving problems of women:
- Females think that when she enters a highway, she should enter directly into the fast lane, despite the fact that the ongoing car is coming at 90 KM/h.
- Females assume that one may drive on the highway at any speeds convenient to themselves, and personally, I have trailed women drivers countless times on the overtaking lanes driving at 50 KM/h, whilst flashing my lights so much that I though my bulbs were gonna melt.
- Women generally feels that it is perfectly alright to do makeups and touch ups (FYI, touch ups are similar to make ups, just that make up is like tarring a new road, but touch up is more to patching the pot holes) in the car, WHILE its in motion. Since we are on that subject, FYI also, mascarra is like painting the street lamps to make them look taller, foundation is well, the rocks below the tar road, eye shadow is the flowers you plant by the streets to make it look more grand than it actually is and lastly, the eye liner is like you have a one lane road, but you paint it to look like its got two lanes.
Anyway, I digress.
- Women drivers are usually emotional subjects. They are unable to think logically, inclined to panic and cannot judge speed and distance accurately. Allow me to remind you that each one of the flaws are perilous by themself, nevermind a combination of all of them (which every women is scientifically proven to suffer from).
- Lastly, two words, my good sir: parallel parking.
I trust that you see the point I am trying to make. Suggestions to eradicate this grave social ill are as follows:
- Immediate ban of all drivers of the female gender
- Strong enforcement and jail terms for offenders.
- Introduce the bicycle as an alternative and compulsary mode of transportation for females (it's GREEN, it's healthy, and all of us guys get to see bouncy uh, assets as added bonus)
Sometimes, desperate times call for desperate measures. And there is no time in history more desperate than now. People are dying out there as you are readin this, Sir. My brethrens brothers (skillful and proper male road users) are being terminated in large quantities daily. These are very real and tangible HUMAN lives that we are talking about.
We cannot be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day the world will call out in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Road Safety Day!
Appendix A: Various Goverment Research Statistics and Findings
Appendix B: Female Drivers are CRAP