Friday, March 02, 2007

.: Criterias :.

After reading thru MINI's blog (http://www.minishorts.net/) about the criterias her mom set for her about dating a man, I couldn't help but noticed how similar my mom's lists was, despite me being a guy and all.

And so, if my memory serves me right, here's the list (or pretty much most of it)


1. Must be Chinese.
2. Must be younger than me. (or else the neighbours and old hag relatives would talk, apparently)
3. Must be educated at least until university. (or else the neighbours and old hag relatives would talk, apparently)
4. Must have stable job. (or else the neighbours and old hag relatives would talk, apparently)
5. Must be loyal. (and just how the hell am I supposed to judge that, I am still lost after all these years)
6.Must not be Muslim. (or else the neighbours and old hag relatives would talk, apparently)
7. Must know how to save money.
8. Must not be lazy, otherwise I have to work my entire life to feed my wife. (uh?)
9. Must not like to talk to other men except me only. (or else the neighbours and old hag relatives would talk, apparently)
10. Must not be a smoker. (or else she would chase her out of the house with a broomstick)
11. Must not drink.
12. Preferably teochew or hokkien. Hakka is totally banned.
13. Preferably not earning more than you. (or she will be dominating and rebellious)
14. Preferably around 1 to 3 years younger than me.
15. Preferably from a well-to-do family and educated. (Doctors, Lawyers or Engineers preferred)
16. Preferably willing to share financial burdens with me.


Now, here's where the list gets different from Mini's:

17. Must be able to cook, clean and wash.
18. Must be totally domesticated and submissive.
19. Must be tall, preferably above 5' 6" and look HOT. (her words were "pretty, with big eyes and feminine traits")
20. Must have a great, tight arse. (yes, indeed that's my mom's criteria, not mine. Okay, so happens that I love great tight arses too, but according to my mom, it's better for child bearing purposes)
21. Cannot come from broken families.
22. Must love children.
23. Must not quarrel with mom in law, auntie in laws and any other in laws.
24. Must be able to speak, read and write in fluent Mandarin and English. (basically an Oxford educated Ah Lian... hmm)
25. Must be an untainted virgin. And cannot have sex till we are both married.


Okay. So let me sum it up:

I'm supposed to search for a VIRGIN CHINESE Holly Valance, who knows how to cook and loves ALL other household chores, educated with a PhD in Neurosurgery, can talk to my mom like they are the best of friends, can WRITE in fluent chinese, has ONLY the hots for me and NO other men, and willing to submit to all my commands and desires.

And we're not supposed to SHAG?

MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Let The Amazing Hunt begin! St. Leon Lee, the Virgin Hunter. CSI: Kuala Lumpur.

21 comments:

praveen said...

oh my..that was funny..Seriously I thot that Indian parents were picky..never knew the Chinese parents were picky too

april yim said...

Goodness leon. Good luck. In time you'll learn that you can't get everything

skates said...

Your mother is going to be ssssoooooo disappointed, not that I see you not up yah but rrreeaaallllyyyy. Just kiddin', we all know that mom is the bestest!

Anonymous said...

yay i qualify all except the cook clean wash part

LOL
i cant cook to save my life(except microwaving and instant noodles), my idea of cleaning and washing is sending it to the dry cleaners

and im not super educated but at least im a university student..can i apply?

lol just kidding..anyway its an interesting read, gals want to know wad mothers-in-law want too

Leon said...

Well, I did specifically mentioned the word "VIRGIN".

So... if you are as chaste as that, i'm interested, pending a full medical examination by a reputable gyneacologist, of course.

Hehhe

Anonymous said...

lol technically theres such a thing as reconstructive surgery

hahaa yes i am one but too bad im not malaysian

and altho i am tall(one of the criteria) i may be too tall 173cm (its a pretty tough hunt for me too most asian guys are shorter with big egos so..)

HAHA

good luck for hunting ;) since there are ppl like me around there should be other nice msian gals out there too..lets hope they arent halfway round the globe =P

-the same anonymous person

Leon said...

In my line of work, you do not take things for granted. And you are supposed to be cynical about most other things.

So, for me, it's a trip to the gynea or no deal.

Oh, you surely don't sound like a 15yr old chic from junior high. If I would guess, I would say you r in your twenties. Now my question is: Just what the heck are you doing remaining a virgin? Gal, YOU are missing all the fun.

And I'm 180 cm. Most asian guys are shorter than me too... hehe

Anonymous said...

haha ever heard of the best things are left to the imagination ;)

i don't sound like a 15 yr old chick?

darn. haha

eh im not that far off frm 15 either, im 20 this year (and i miss being a 15 yr old chick =( )

-still the same anonymous person

residentsniper said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leon said...

This is the first time the same person tracks my blog so closely and it is in a word, spooky.

Now gurl (if indeed that's what you are, and not some 45 yr old hairy bastard surfing the net naked) if you are a fan, fair and fine.

But if you are some sick serial rapist cum chainsaw murderer, let me tell you this:

1. I know the number to the FBI and Interpol.

2. And always remember, I do still have my trusted Remi beside me.


Cheers :)

Leishia J said...

o_O why ban hakkas?

tribalism!

auntie ah auntie, hakkas are good people leh!

-Princess Shin- said...

Haha.. so did you manage to find the 'dream girl' of yours?

Goodness.. mother in laws are scary!

Anonymous said...

LOL

no im just really bored trying to study for my quizzes but ended up blog surfing

thats what happens when your notes and powerpoint slides are on your laptop and you are too lazy to print them out

i even read your archives... i liked the one on the different types of girls and the difficulty levels in chasing them..fun trying to categorize myself into one of them! now i know how to avoid all the bad guys :P

and yeah, sorry to disappoint you, i AM a girl.

HAHA

-the anonymous stalker (maybe i shld call myself sth, its tedious to type the word anonymous all the time)

Leon said...

Anon,

Your persistence is impressive, to say the least.

residentsniper@hotmail.com

Be creative what you do with that email, as I register with a lot of other messaging services with that account, apart from email.

Cheers.

Leon said...

Leishia,

I'm of the Hokkien tribe, and according to ancient Chinese history, your hakkanese ancestors burnt, killed and plundered our villages.

Hakka is also known as Kek. Which means "Visitor". Apparently, the Keks move from one town to another, raping the land dry.

So now you know why Hokkiens do not really like the Hakkas, much less marry one.


Princess Shin,

I found plenty of matches. Zhang ZiYi, Kelly Chen, Gillian Chung, Joey Yung, to name a few.

I just hope to god that they're Hokkien. hehe

Cheers :)

Anonymous said...

nah i still prefer to stalk ur board and leave anonymous comments. chatting with u will risk me revealing my identity ;)

besides, im shy. (really!)

-your first anonymous stalker

Leon said...

Anon,

Suit yourself.

I have a fairly good idea who you are though :) Writing styles are hard to hide...

Hehehe ..

Cheers

Anonymous said...

LOLLLL

im honoured whoever you think i am

because i really don't know you in real life at all.

i was wondering if you'd think that i was someone you knew. because i'm not

but i bet you don't believe me.

-the still anonymous stalker

Leon said...

Nah, I dunno you either.

Left comments on your blog a few days earlier though .. under my real name, of course.

Cheers.

roachz said...

Hey stumbled upon your article from Adelaine's page. Nice one, now we can know for SURE what mothers want of their daughters-in-law. What a load of crap, though moms are nice and all... no offence.

Makes me think what is the purpose of my existence????? Getting married is meaningless, no?

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