Saturday, October 08, 2005

.: Leon the Saint? :.

Attn: His Holiness
Vatican City State,
00120 Italy

Dear Sir,

Re: Application for Sainthood

With reference to the above, I would like to submit my particulars (as attached) for your kind consideration.

Recently, I have decided to quit smoking and have been rather sucessful at my attempt, thus far. This brings to a grand total of 5 sins and vices of which I have had its practice discontinued.

I stopped drinking alcoholic drinks like a fish about a few months back, although of course, I still induldge in the "Holy Blood" ocassionally. Next, it is a well known fact that for the past 3 years, I have never, ever gambled any amount larger than RM20 each time. Theoritically, RM20 or less for each gamble is an amount so small that it can be assumed that I do not gamble at all.

Next, I have been very kind to people. I have stopped all manner of sacarstic critisms or verbal bombardment towards the people whom I like.

I no longer have free flowing sex with wild girls in orgy parties. In fact, it has been so long since I last had sex (about 2 weeks, I figure) that for all purposes intended, I am considered a sweet, pure and innocent virgin.

As you can see from above, I have managed to abstain from the 5 deadly sins which modern men are prone to lean towards: alcohol, gambling, poison tongue, sex and cigarettes.

In fact, if I were to be compared to a lot of young men of similar age in my country, I think I would be seen as a pure and chaste angel, relatively speaking of course.


With this in mind, I am duly submitting my application to your good office. I would like to thank you beforehand and eagerly await your notice to attend my beatification ceremony.

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,

Saint Leon

(Damn that sounds gooooood)

6 comments:

G.O.D over-rated really said...

To: sainthood Applicant Leon
CC: Benedict XVI, Al, Bud, Moses, Kuok Chung, Luc
Re : Application for sainthood.

My Child, Leon, while I'm very pleased and proud with your recent achievements, I'm have to reluctantly reject your application for sainthood indefinitely.

1. John Paul and Mother Teresa are still pending and I can't have another of my illustrious children ranting about this matter.
2. It is my eternal agreement with Al, Bud, Moses, Kuok Chung and Luc that we shan't take the flock of another.. Kuok and Luc have vehemently protested your joining my house as they both have 'greater plans' for you.
3. St Peter just put in another request for more allocation under the 9th Heavenly Plan for more toll booths at the Pearly Gates. Until we can solve the toll pricing issues with touch and go and Paul's credit card charges with Visa, I honestly can't let anymore pass thru the gates, no to mention spend extra dough on the altercation to the dogmas for new beatifications.
5. My son, your time as a lowly mortal is still unfulfilled. I need you still to spread my gospel for another several decades so do bear with me.

Honestly my son, sainthood and heaven is really over-rated.. The virgins have long lost their viriginity.. ( Imagine thousands of saints throughout humanity shagging them over and over again for eternity) The food here's all stale and tasteless ... white bread and cheese most of the time. there's no booze up here, no thongs and bikinis, what more to say tit flashing..
Sometimes i even wonder why the hell am i up here? no pun intended, Luc.

I've been wanting to swap places with Luc for all eternity but the bastard would'nt give in, even after sacrificing my son to the Romans...

So i urge you to reconsider, my son.
meanwhile i shall be down at Luc's place with Al for some rum and poker.. Leave a voicemail if the coverage's poor.

ciao,
GODog

Chienne said...

chiak sai la.. sweet? innocent? and i suppose you don't like me coz you're always so damn sarcastic to me. blah.

Chienne said...

hmm. i've linked up to this particular post coz it's really damn funny, coming from you, saint leon.

Flyz said...

Hey, I'm linking your post too, this is seriously one of the funniest blog post I've ever read!

Flyz said...

Hey man, thanks for linking me, I'll be linking you to my blog too

Jaclyn Lim said...

Hi, Can i link you as i think you're really funny especially this one...! Mmmmm i like sarcastic people!!